How Chaos Magic grew up to become a real thing that works

Zegaroth on Deviantart

I started practicing chaos magic in the 1990s. Back in the day, it still was the enfant terrible in the occult scene, even though it was almost 30 years old already.

The wild and wooly days of chaos magic started with the rise of the www: forums popped up everywhere, and some of the big names in the game appeared.

But chaos magic suffered. It suffered from total idiocy. People thought the more ridiculous and outrageous their rituals were, the more chaos magic-ky they became. That was flawed thinking, of course, and it resulted in… nothing. Spells had no effect. Prayers weren’t heard. People hoping to improve their situation got disappointed.

Nowadays, chaos magic is largely based on the oldest religion of mankind: animism. And animism requires respect for all things, since everything is alive. Suddenly, chaos magic has matured, and with this process came results.

Just to give you an impression of what old-school ridiculous CM spells looked like: This is from, a site that still exists.

Strength Spell

What you’ll need:

  • an incense of large charcoal briquettes, and a brazier, with a metal grill upon it, in which to burn it.
  • various food items from the four food groups
  • a quiet place to go and perform the ritual
  • Big heavy metal things

Light the incense, and place above it the various food items. Continue until food is thoughroughly purified. This provides the spiritual energy needed to perform the rest of the ritual.

  • Pick up the metal things.
  • Put down the metal things.
  • Assure yourself that you aren’t just doing this because you’re insecure about your penis.
  • Repeat a few hundred times.
  • Repeat this ritual on a fairly regular basis.

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